What is, and What always Should Be
by teen-perfection
Summary: After years apart, Violet begins to come to terms with her loneliness, and just how much she truly misses Tate. The ultimate Violet and Tate FanFic, the story we were all waiting for after the credits stopped rolling.
1. Chapter 1

**Violet: **

It had been years. It felt like an eternity but the tally marks of months were taking up a lovely corner of the Attic I had come to clam as my own. Two years, six months, and five days since I had last said goodbye to Tate. And this time apart was killing me. I could never admit it, for my parents both still disliked him, but I missed him. I missed the safety of his arms and the sweet innocence in his eyes.

"Vi, come down and check out the new house guests!" I heard Ben call up to me.

"On my way down!" I shouted back. I threw the ball to Beau one last time. He had become my favorite companion through all this loneliness. He was a good listener, and never talked much, which was good because I liked talking to him about the way I felt. He was the only person I dared to voice my opinions about Tate too.

"Bye Beau, I'll be back up soon. There are new people coming to the house that I want to see." And with that I stood up. Leaving the attic, to wait in the doorway to the kitchen with my Mom and Dad.

Some of the others had come to see the new family as well, the gay couple that had lived in the house before, Nora the original owner, Moira the house maid, and the nurses. All of us hidden in our ghostly ways watching this prim and proper British sounding family move in.

"Oh this is lovely!" The mother proclaimed to her husband and two sons. The boys were very young, probably ten and twelve at the oldest. And the husband was very handsome and young looking.

Through out the day they moved in, and one of the boys even took to moving into my room. I returned to the attic as the day moved on, wanting nothing more than to be hidden in my lonely sorrow.

"Beau, are you up here?" I called into the darkness of the attic. Suddenly the familiar red ball came rolling across the floor to my feet. So I sat and began passing it back and forth with Beau. "You know Beau, you're the only sane one in this house I think." I smiled to myself at what an ironic statement that was. But also, how true it was.

We are in a house of murders, rapists, victims, ghosts, psychotics, and innocents. None of us belonged in this house, but we are all trapped here, waiting for our salvation, "Beau, do you know how long its been since I saw Tate? Too long. I miss him a lot you know? Of course you know. I tell you everyday." I stopped at the sudden sound of floorboards creaking.

"Who's there?" I shout into the darkness behind me, unafraid of what it could possibly be, having seen just about every terrible creator staying here, "Hello?" I called again.

"No one." Beau said and passed me the ball again, "Keep talkin' 'bout Tate." He mumbled.

"Yeah, he is kind of all I talk about. And think about. And dream about, when ever I manage to get sleep that is." I smiled to myself, remembering what it was like sleeping in the same bed as Tate back when we were happy together, "Gosh Beau I just don't know where he hides. I mean I've roamed the basement, up here, and every room but he is never there. I think he's hiding on purpose. I mean I did tell him to go away, but…" I let my voice trail off remembering the hardest decision I've ever had to make. It wasn't easy telling Tate to leave me alone. I wanted him more then anything. But he raped my mother. And his son killed my mom, which led to Ben's death too. And me! I killed myself to be with him, and then he goes and does all of that!

"But you love him." Beau growled.

"Of course I do. I never didn't, I was angry and hurt. But not for a moment did I ever top loving Tate." I felt my salty tears steaming down my face.

"I never stopped loving you either." A familiar voice came form behind me and I stood suddenly turning around to see him. Tate.

"You, you're here? How long have you been there?" I stuttered back away from him and wiping the tears from my face.

"Every day. Every single day for two years, six months and five days listening to you talk to Beau about me. First about how you hated me. About your hurt and suffering. It killed me not being about to comfort you. But now, now you talk about our love." He said stepping forward reaching out his hand to me. "I never stopped loving you Violet. You're all I have and all I want. Please don't send me away again. This time apart has been-"

"Killing me." I cut him off and pull him in by his sweater. I run my fingers through his hair and pull his face close to mine. Kissing him gently as the tears continued to stream down my face.

"Life is much to short for so much sorrow my sweet Violet." He said brushing the tears from my cheeks with his rough hands. "Come on, let's go to our room." He said leading me down the stairs in a daze of emotions.

"Tate, I'm so sorry." I whispered, so quite you almost couldn't have heard it.

"No, don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong Violet," He turned to face me and cupped my face in his hands, "I was the darkness. I was the monster. But you, my light, I changed for you. I'm not the same person I used to be. I've been seeing your dad again, secretly, and he's helped me so much Vi. I'm better I swear." And he opened the door to our old room.

The room was messy, as the son had just moved into it. But they must all have been down stairs eating dinner for the room was empty now. It was just Tate and I.

"Tate, I still want you." I murmured beginning to unbutton my shirt and backing up towards the bed. "I never stopped," I took my shirt of and waited for him to come closer.

Tate kissed me passionately, laying me down on the bed and removing the rest of our clothes. I couldn't believe we were back in the same situation we had been in back when we were in love.

"I love you Vi." He said kissing my neck, and I let out a moan of anticipation as he kissed lower and lower down my neck and across my chest.

"Stop teasing me." I gasped, grabbing the sheet as he finally entered me.

It was everything I wanted. And just liked I remembered from my first time with him. We laid together in the bed for a long time after we finished. Just tangled in the sheets and each other's arms.

"I love you too Tate. I really mean it. Please don't ever go away again." I said resting my head on his chest.

"If that's what you want Violet. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." He stroked my hair out of my face and gave me one last longing kiss as I fell asleep with the rising and falling of his chest as my new favorite lullaby.


	2. Chapter 2

Tate:

It is perfect now. I have her again. Those years, those longing days of hiding in Beaus' room listening to her talk. First, talking about her hate of me. Her strong dislike and the incredibly passionate anger toward all my past actions nearly killed me. It ruined me really, just having to listen to all of the terrible things I had done. But then, something changed. Something is her sweet voice that no longer referred to me as "Tate, that guy that raped my mom".

As I lay here in bed with her, I am so quickly brought back to the times when we were in love. When we were all each other had and wanted.

"Hurry up I want to show you my room!" A little voice called through the hall.

"Shit, Vi, get up!" I said jumping out of the bed and quickly redressing.

"What, what happened?" Violet says looking dazed and confused and the urgency in which I'm throwing her clothes at her.

"Mom! Dad!" the voice calls, closer and louder this time.

"No! Shit!" Violet says quickly pulling her jeans up and trying to put the bed back together. "We need to disappear." She looked up at me.

"I know just the place." I smiled slyly at her, oh how I had missed exploring the basement with Violet. How I had missed every little thing about her really. Her hair, the way she smokes cigarettes, not really because of an addiction but more of a big Fuck You to society, and her dad. I missed her innocence and the way she wanted to see something good in me… Until she realized there wasn't any. But I can't wait to show her how much I've changed. I did it all for her. "Come on Vi. They can only see us if we want them too." I reached out my hand to her, and though she hesitated, she took it.

"And we definitely don't want them to see us now do we?" She laughed as we became invisible to the little boy and two parents entering the room. A ping of jealousy ran through Violet and I as we saw this seemingly happy family. The mother was beautiful, and the husband was holding her hand the same way I was holding violets, with the fingers are intertwined and locked into place.

"See mom, look how cool it is!" The small brunette boy said gesturing toward the wallpaper and large windows.

"Yes darling, it is lovely." The mother said rubbing the little boys hair.

"Come on," I said gripping Violets hand tightly and pulling her toward the door angrily, "Let's get the fuck out of here." Stupid perfect families. Stupid good mothers. Stupid fathers that are actually _there_ for their sons. My blood began to boil.

"Hey, Tate," Violet said stopping and pulling me back, "it's just another dumb family. Nothing to get upset about, I promise. Do you want to talk about it?" Her eyes widened looking up at me. I have to keep it together for her. I am changed. I will not ruin this family. I will not ruin my second chance with Vi.

"No," I said kissing her forehead, "I'm totally fine. Lets go to the basement okay?" I led her down one flights of stairs, all the while holding hands. Then we arrived on the main floor of the house, only to see Ben standing in the entranceway just looking up at the chandelier.

"Really Vi? You have to be kidding me!" Ben shouted pointing to our interlocked fingers. "This kid has problems!"

"Tate, I thought you said you had been seeing my dad again." Violet said loosening her grip on my hand as I tightened mine.

"Ben, what is this? You've been helping me so much. I thought, I thought you said I was better?" I could feel the tears stinging the corners of my eyes, "Come on Vi, lets just go to the basement."

"You. Raped. My. Wife!" Ben shouted, "So I'm sorry if I disapprove of the idea of _you _being with my _daughter_. I said you were better, not better for Violet." Ben said shaking his head, "Really Violet, did you just forget everything he did?" He turned toward her.

"No dad. I'm just forgiving him. You were wrong. I can forgive him even though he didn't do anything directly to me. Because he has changed." Violet said with a shaking voice, retightening her grip on my fingers.

"I love her Ben. I never stopped." I said as we turned the corner toward the basement.

I could see the tears in Violets eyes; I couldn't tell if they were sad tears or angry tears.

"Stupid fucking fathers." She said under her breath as she opened the doors to the basement and led me down them. "I hate him. Well, I don't hate him. I just can't stand him right now." She wiped her eyes of the tears and fell against my chest as I hugged her close.

"It's okay Violet, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. Okay?" I lifted her face to mine and kissed her. I missed the way her lips felt pressed against mine, and the way her hair felt when I ran my fingers through it, pulling her closer to me.

"I've missed you so much Tate. Everyday was just a dark repeating of the day before and I was so miserable," she said resting her head on my chest, "I'm sorry I told you to go away," I could hear the sob building in her throat as her voice cracked, and I could feel my heart break for her.

"Don't be sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't cry Violet. I love you so much and I never want tot see you upset." I held her tighter and hoped she wouldn't start crying. "I hate seeing you so upset I really do."

"I'll be fine." She lied, "But I have you now. And that's all that matters." She smiled and crossed the basement to sit against the wall. She patted the ground next to her, telling me to go sit next to her, "Come here." She whispered.

"As you wish," I smiled at her. She really is my everything, and I've never felt this way about anyone before. The way her hair falls in her face when she's trying to hide away from her own emotions, she still hasn't changed one bit. I love the way he eyes light up with strength when she was arguing with Ben, she seemed so shaken but I was really impressed with her. She stronger then she thinks.

"Oh well, well, well, look who it is. Looks like she did let you back in her huh? How's my favorite freak couple doing?" A voice from a dark corner of the basement said sarcastically. "Oh I'm sorry," Hayden said stepping out of the shadows, "Did I hurt your feelings?"

"Go away Hayden." I snapped at her. She would not ruin this.

"Oh I'm sorry Tate. Got sick of screwing me so you had to start screwing your little Violet again?" Her words dripping with bitter resentment as she turned to Violet, who was just looking at me with the saddest look in her eyes, "Why is she your favorite? Why was I not good enough Tate?"

"T-tate what is she talking about?" Violet stuttered, "Hayden what the hell are you talking about?"

"Nothing Violet, she doesn't know what she's talking about/ she doesn't mean anything to anyone anymore." I said pushing violets hair behind her ear and turning my back to Hayden.

"Don't. You. Dare fucking undermine me Tate. Don't you dare. I mean something. I'm important. I know you thought so at one point." She said stepping closer to us.

"Stop! Go away!" I snapped standing up and yelling in her face. I was getting out of hand, "Go away Hayden!" I said closing my eyes, "You don't matter! I love Violet!"

"That doesn't work on me!" Hayden yelled back, and I reached out to hit her, "I'll be back." And with that she disappeared.

Violet looked terrified at what had just happened, "Vi, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to snap like that." I turned to her and sat back down next to her. "I didn't want to hurt anyone, I just wanted her to go away." My voice began to crack.

"Tate, I don't know if you've changed as much as you think. Were you with Hayden? Ever?" Her eyes widened staring deep into my lack of a soul.

"I've changed, no don't say that, I've, I've change I swear I have. I know I have. Your dad even said so! I'm different, Hayden's just lonely and bitter I promise I've changed. I'm not the darkness anymore, believe me Vi I'm not like that anymore!" I was rambling a protest that didn't make any sense, "I'm sorry Vi. I didn't mean to upset you. She came on to me once and I told her no. It doesn't mean anything. She's just jealous that I held out for you and wouldn't give her what she wanted. Please believe me."

"Tate I don't know…" Her voice trailed off.

"Don't say that Violet! I love _you_. You and only you. That's the way it has been since the minute you walked into this murder house. I love you." I kissed her desperately. "Believe me," I begged.

"Calm down Tate. You're starting to worry me, I don't like it when you get like this." She said resting her head on my chest, "Let's just sit here."

"Whatever you want Vi," I kissed the top of her head, and though my mind was racing I attempted to calm myself down, "I love you." I said again.

"I know you do. I do too. Love you I mean," she smiled softly, "Just let me sit here in silence and try to forget Hayden. Let's just pretend for a little, that things are the way they use to be, and I can still be a naïve and just enjoy this."

"What do you me-" she cut me off putting her finger to my lips and resting her head back on my chest. Something is her words worried me. Something about the way she said naïve, and pretend, like we weren't real anymore. Maybe she _was_ different, maybe she _had_ changed. Like me. But now I get to fall in love with all these new things about her! But, there's something melancholy in her words. What did she mean, pretend for a _little?_


	3. Chapter 3

Violet:

I don't know if I can trust him anymore. I love him, but trusting him is going to take a whole other part of my heart to get on board with being back together with him again. Tate says he didn't sleep with Hayden, not that I can be upset about it even if he did because we weren't together, but still. If he's lying then I don't know what else he could be lying about. Has he changed? Does he still love me? Has he killed anyone else? Do I even want to know?

Would it be better to keep pretending, and live in my happy bubble, instead of face my fears? I love him. I have never been more sure of anything that I have of that fact. But that damn Hayden had to come and ruin it all. There was something in her eyes, this bitter pain, that I can't stop seeing. I don't care if she's doing this just to mess with me because of my dad, or if she's doing this because she does care about Tate.

"Hayden!" I shouted standing in the attic alone, "Come out, come out, where ever you are!"

"I'm right here you prissy little-" She started.

"Stop. I'm not going to play your petty games. If that stunt you pulled yesterday was some type of revenge for what my dad did, or for me not letting you have my moms baby, or whatever else I have that you so clearly want then just say it now and leave Tate and I alone." I stood on shaking ground, I had never yelled at anyone like that before.

"You little bitch," Hayden laughed sarcastically, "Look at you being all tough for your man. You must really think he loves you. And he does! I'm not disputing that. I'm just letting you know, that boy is a pathological liar. You can never trust him."

"And what about you? What really happened Hayden?" I was becoming more and more worried as this conversation progressed.

"Oh, me? You can never trust me. I'm crazy, your dad said so. And he's a professional so clearly he's right," she said snidely, every word dripping with sarcasm. My skin began to crawl as she stepped toward me, "But for the record, your boy sure as hell wasn't bored when you were gone. Two years, I mean, that's a really long time to hold out. But hey, what do I know? Go ask him." And with that she turned and walked down the stairs of the attic, leaving me alone with my confusion.

"Damn it!" I shouted in frustration. I can't care if he slept with her, I can't. We weren't together. And I _should_ trust him. I _need_ to trust him if I'm going to let myself be in love with him again, but I don't know if I can.

I spent hours locked in the attic, hidden from everyone just passing the ball with Beau the way I always do. Thinking, and trying to avoid all of my thoughts. I don't know how much time passed before my next visitor came to talk to me about my decisions, but suddenly it was very dark outside and I could smell dinner coming through the vent from the kitchen.

"Vi? Are you up here?" My mom called from the bottom of the stairs.

"Yes Mom. Come on up." I said sarcastically, refusing to turn around to face her. I had been avoiding trying to think of what I could say to my mom to justify getting back together with Tate after what he did to her. I mean, it's not like he _just_ killed her or anything, he raped her and indirectly killed her. Leaving her here in this house that she had a real chance of escaping. I feel terrible for loving him so much but I just can't stop.

"Violet, your Dad tells me that you're back together with Tate," She paused sitting beside me cradling my baby brother in her arms. He had taken one breath and died, so he was staying an adorable infant, trapped in this house, forever.

"Yes, yes I am," I stuttered trying to think of what to say, "Mom. Please don't be mad. I know he's done some terrible things. Not just to other people but to you too, and I know you don't like him, and I know you haven't forgiven him yet. But I'm really trying to. I mean we are stuck here for eternity together, and I do really love him," I was running out of an explanation and I could feel the lump in my throat as my emotions conflicted over what was the right thing to do.

"It's okay," My mom said reaching one hand out to hold mine briefly, "You love him. And in a way, he saved my marriage. With all this time together Ben and I really have reconnected and are happy again. I don't forgive him for what he did, yet. But maybe one day I can. Tate makes you really happy Vi, I can see that. And you are alone in this house in a sense of the word alone. I just want you to be careful." She paused looking away from my face and down to her baby's.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I could no longer tell what my Mom was talking about being careful with.

"You're my daughter. And I love you. I wanted so much more for you than to be trapped in this god-forsaken house forever. But you found love, and I'm so happy that you did because I feel like that makes this situation just a little bit better. But honey, he's crazy, like the rest of us, but you aren't a murderer. Or a rapist. Or any of the other terrible walks of people we have in this house. It just so happens that Tate is kind of all of the above, and I don't want anything worse than being trapped here to happen to you. He really loves you. Just please be careful, and don't be so quick to forget. Forgive, sure that's all fine! Just don't forget what happened, because you can always learn from the past." She wiped a tear from her eye and smiled up at me, "Oh my little girl, all grown up and in love again."

"I love you Mom. And I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you, and everything that Tate did. I know he's sorry too. But he has changed; you know he's been seeing Dad? He's trying to get help and be a better person, for me." I smiled at the last part of that statement; he's changing _for me_. Not for Hayden.

"I love you too sweetie. Now come down stairs and let's have dinner, I know your father wants to talk to you a little about this whole Tate situation. I just wanted to talk to you first. I mean you know fathers, once their daughters start growing up they start bringing shot guns on dates." She laughed, as if I was a normal girl with a normal boyfriend.

"Alright I'll meet you down stairs soon," I smiled as my mom left me in the attic again. "Hey, Tate are you up here?" I called quietly into the darkness, wondering if he had been there the whole time.

"Nope, I'm down here." He stood at the bottom of the stairs leading up toward the attic, "I'm coming up though."

"Hi." I said hugging him, "How was your day?"

"It was good," He kissed me, "Better now that I'm with you Vi." He smiled and kissed me again, and my whole world lit up, "Want to play Scrabble? I'll even let you win."

"Please, I don't need you to _let_ me win Tate. I've improved since the last time we played," I giggled remembering before when we would play Scrabble and he would have to let me win I was so bad at the game. He was kind of cocky about his board games, but I found it endearing. I know he use to play a lot of them with Addie back when she was still around, so he got really good at winning and letting people win. "I'm a changed women now Tate, I've got skills you've never seen."

He pulled me in and started kissing me again. I could feel myself smile as the familiar sensation of kissing Tate washed over me. He was a really good kisser, and I could stay like this, just standing here in his arms, kissing him, forever. There was nothing I wanted more. I didn't want to go talk to Ben, over some shitty dinner, and listen to him lecture me on what a bad kid Tate is. I didn't want to ever have to face Hayden again the way I did today. I didn't ever want to break my mothers heart again, the way I think I am now by just being with Tate. I only wanted to stay here, in this blissful happiness and never leave.

"Tate," I paused, pulling away and smiling as he pulled me back.

"No, I'm not done kissing you yet Vi." He said holding my face and pulling me closer to him.

"Tate, I have to go to a family dinner. I'll be back as soon as I can I promise. But Ben wants to talk to me, seeing as I never really talk to him in the first place it could be a good idea for me to actually have some sort of relationship with the man that enjoys ruining my life from time to time," I looked away from Tate, I don't want him to know that this family dinner was really focused on him, and not on my Daddy-issues.

"Skip it. You can always go tomorrow," He smiled slyly looking into my eyes, trying to see if he was making any progress, "We can play pass with Beau, and keep kissing, and, and, I don't know. The possibilities are endless!"

"I would love to, just after my family dinner. I promise," I smiled up at him, "I would stay here forever with you if I could, but I have my family to think of. And a little brother that I don't even really know. Plus, Ben wants to try and fix our relationship, which could be good for me I guess. I probably should grow out of this teenage angst and be more mature about this whole thing."

"Okay. But right after, I want you to come back up here," Tate was acting so childish and I loved it. I rarely get to see him like this; nearing the end of our last relationship he was so serious all the time and was having a psychotic break every twenty minutes. Now, he's just having so much fun that I can't help but have fun with him. His sweet smile and these innocent ideas of Scrabble just keep pulling me further and further away all reality, and the impending problems that we are facing. That largest being this dinner with my father.

"I will," I kissed him quickly, "I promise. I have to go, but wait up here. Try not to get into any trouble." I smiled and started down the stairs.

"I won't! I love you!" He called after me in a childish voice.

It seemed so silly, how quickly we had fallen back in love, or maybe it was because we have never fallen out of love. Either way, I was as happy as could be.


	4. Chapter 4

**Tate: **

I could feel on top of the world. She loves me! My Violet, loves me again. And she believes me too! She didn't even bring up what Hayden said, so she trusts me again. Which is good, because I have always trusted her. She really is my everything.

"Go down stairs you idiot," Hayden said from behind me, "It would be a good idea to listen in on a Harmon family dinner."

"Go away Hayden!" I shouted swinging at the air. I was not going to lose control again. I will keep it together. For Violet. "You don't matter to me."

"Shut up, I do. And you know it. You just can't admit it yet. But that's not why I'm here. Dr. DipShit is down stairs having a chat with your little innocent. I figured you might want to go and see what it's about," She said smugly. She was lying. I could tell. Well, no, she wasn't, because Violet had said she was going to family dinner. But, I mean, why should I want to spy on them?

"Go. Away. Hayden. Get out of my head. And leave us alone!" I said running from the attic. I can't listen to her any more. I just can't hear her in my head anymore like this.

I fled from the attic with such great speeds, I didn't even realize that I was standing right outside Ben's office. I could see Violet, sitting on the couch next to her mom with her dad in his chair across from them. They were all eating Mac and Cheese. I do love Mac and Cheese.

"Violet. You cannot be with him," Ben said sternly, "He is psychotic and has done terrible things! I forbid it Violet. I just, I cannot condone this."

I quickly ducked behind the door, hiding, just listening to Ben rant on about what a terrible person I was.

"Dad. Stop talking about him like he's not a real person. He is!" A smile stretched across my tear-stricken face as I heard Violet stand up for me, "He has feelings just like us, and has made mistakes just like every other person in this house."

"I will not stand to hear you talk about loving the man that raped your mother Violet. Do you know how incredibly twisted that is? Do you even understand that?" Ben put his plate of mac and cheese down and stared at Violet, "I am terrified of him and what he would do to you Violet. Look at what he has already done to this family. We are dead because of him."

"Shut up dad! We are not. I am dead by choice, because I hated everything and everyone. That includes you by the way. Mom died in childbirth and, yes, I see that is sort of, maybe, just a little bit, Tate's fault. But you, you are dead because you're an asshole. You died because you didn't deserve to live any more dad. But God do I wish you hadn't died on this property!" Violet shouted, standing up and crying.

"I will not have you talk to me like this!" Ben said raising his hand, as if meaning to hit her, and then he lowered it.

"Ben!" I heard Vivien cry as she pulled Violet back down to sitting next to her, "Don't make this so difficult."

"I cannot believe you just said that to me Violet. Is that really how you feel? I didn't deserve to live?" Ben teared up, "He's destroying everything sweet about you. A few days ago we were getting along fine. Now he's back in your life and you're so bitter. You're so full of this hatred of everything that isn't Tate. This is exactly what I was afraid of."

Violet stopped everything. She looked down at her feet, embarrassed almost it seemed. Ben was right. "I'm sorry." She said quickly standing and running from the room sobbing.

"Ben, that was horrible." Vivien said to him, following after Violet.

"I'm worried about her Viv. I'm not going to lose her again." He said certainly, "I don't care what I have to do, but they cannot be together. He ruins her. I mean just look at her! Running from this room sobbing over what she finally realizes. He's not a good person. She just said I didn't deserve to live. I mean Viv, I bet that's something Tate said to her once! How are you not totally thrown by the fact that she is in love with the guy that raped you, incase you forgot."

"I didn't forget, Ben. I'm just trying to move on for Violets sake," Vivien said bitterly.

I quickly ran from my hiding place to the basement. I curled into a ball leaning against the cold stonewall of the basement. I began to cry at the horrible realization that Ben was right, I am horrible for Violet. She has been so unhappy these past few days; it must be because of me. Maybe I haven't gotten any better. Maybe I'm still the same horrible person I was two years ago. "Violet, I'm so sorry." I whispered to myself, knowing that I will probably not be able to say that to her face.

I want to do what's best for Violet. But I promised her I wouldn't leave. But if I'm that worst thing for her, shouldn't I just disappear again? I should probably leave her alone and let her return to her usual self. If I really am changing her for the worst then I don't want to be with her. If I am nothing but the darkness that pulls her down then I shouldn't be with her at all. Right?

My mind bounced back and forth across ideas that made little to no sense. I was miserable and heartbroken over the idea of having to leave Violet. But everything Ben said was still ringing in my head. I just wish Ben went away. I just wish Ben wasn't right. Was he?

I don't think I'll ever be able to face Violet again knowing what a horrible influence on her I am. If you love someone, you have to do what's best for them. And for Violet, if that is me disappearing then I should do that. It might kill me, metaphorically of course, but it's what she needs. I don't want to ruin her, or change her. I love her just the way she is. And I don't want anything about her to ever change for the negative, especially because of me. I didn't even think I was being that negative. But maybe my newfound positivity was being balanced by her new negativity? Or maybe it always was this way. She did kill herself, after meeting me. Was that my fault? I let out a load sob as the tears came pouring down my face.

"Tate?" I heard Violet call into the basement, "Tate are you down there?" Her voice cracked from al the crying and I could feel my heart breaking for her.

I tried to stay as still and quite as possible. I am the worst thing in her life right now; I cannot be the one that ruins her. I wiped my tears and my hand flew over my mouth to muffle the sobs.

"Tate, I hear you crying," She came down the stairs, and then I could see her. Her sleeves were pulled high up over her wrists and the tears were pouring from her eyes in buckets.

I want to kill Ben Harmon. I want him to never talk to Violet again. I am not going to give up on her just because of what he said, if this is what he is doing to her.

"I'm here Violet," I patted the ground next to me, inviting her to come sit.

"Tate I really need you right now," She sobbed into my chest as I held her close, both of us crying. "My da—Ben, is trying to ruin everything. I don't know what to do but I don't want to be around him any more. I don't know what, I don't know what to do. But I do know what I want." She looked up at me and wiped her eyes.

"What's that?" in my head I just kept thinking, please be me. Please don't say to be alone. Please don't send me away again.

"You Tate. Of course it's you. I don't care what Ben says, that's a conversation I'll have to tell you about," She laughed sarcastically.

"No you don't. I heard it. I heard everything," I wiped the tears from her eyes, "I heard you yell at your dad for me. Violet, I love you. But I won't be the one to change you for the worst. I don't want to be the darkness that pulls you in; I want both of us to be happy, basking in the glow of your light. You're the best thing that every happened to me and, and," I began to cry again. I was losing it, "If I'm not the best thing for you then I'll leave you alone again."

"Don't you dare!" She shouted, "I love you. I'm not depressed because we are back together. You are the only thing keeping me sane in this house, I think. I need you Tate, how can you not see that? Don't leave me alone again. Please. Not now." She began to cry again and so did I.

"I won't. I love you. Please stop crying. I love you." I kissed her head and pulled her close, "I'm not going anywhere." But I knew I had to change more. But I have to stop seeing Ben.

I think if I see him any time soon, nothing can stop me from kicking the living shit out of him. As long as Violet doesn't find out. I don't want to prove Ben right, but he deserves to feel the heart breaking pain that I am feeling have to sit here and watch the girl I love cry because of what he did to her. I can't let this go unpunished. Maybe I haven't changed that much. Maybe that's a good thing. I can be a happier person. Violet and I will start playing Scrabble again. We'll take walks through the backyard and hold hands. We'll talk about the family we wish we could have raised together, or maybe the one that we can have one day. I will be a better person. Just, after I take care of Ben.

No one makes Violet cry like this. Not anyone.


End file.
